A Letter from the Other Shore

What I've been up to since reemerging from the abyss

Hey all!

Last winter, I sent you all a “Letter from the Abyss”. In it, I shared a bit about the state I was in:

“…I’ve started to catch sight, just barely, of the shoreline on the other side. I can’t quite see it yet. I still have a lot of questions… I don’t know where exactly the tide is taking me.”

As I write to you now, I feel my feet planted firmly on the other shore. I’m out of the abyss. Some incredible things have been unfolding. Unfortunately, my writing here has slowed as things have gotten busy. But I have so much I want to write here and I’m reprioritizing it.

So today, to get back in the flow, I thought I’d start by sharing some updates on what I’ve been up to the past few months.

The Hakomi Training

Kayaking on the beautiful lake at the Omega Institute.

I recently did a 5-day, in-person Hakomi training retreat, led by Jaci Hull.

Hakomi is a form of somatic therapy and coaching. It’s hard to explain. I know it’s annoying when people are like “you just have to experience it”, but that seems to be the truth here.¹

If I can sum it up as simply as possible, Hakomi is a practice where the therapist or coach:

1. Attunes very precisely to the experience of the client (their thoughts, feelings, and sensations)

2. Lovingly and nonviolently mirrors the experience back to the client

3. Utilizes prompts, experiments, physical touch, and objects (pillows and blankets) to help the client deepen and unfold their experience

Clients will drop into a deeper intuition of what’s happening in their body and psyche, and tap into their own wisdom and inner resources to identify what it is they need.

It’s poetic. It’s intimate. It’s loving. It feels totally different from any other form of therapy I’ve seen or experienced. I loved it. The workshop was profoundly impactful for me, both as a coach and in my own journey.

One day, I volunteered to be the “demo client” for the class. I ended up tapping into some childhood trauma. I processed some intense emotion that had been buried a long time. It was a powerful healing experience for me that I’m still integrating, and probably will be for a long time. I’m sure I’ll have more to share about this experience over time but, for now, I’ll leave it at that.

Hakomi quickly became a critical part of my coaching practice and how I facilitate spaces and communities for others. I’m eager to go much deeper with this practice.

The Founder Satsang Retreat

A week later I helped lead a retreat for a community I’m a member of called Founder Satsang. It was such a special and healing experience for me in ways I didn’t expect.

Founder Satsang is a group of current and former founders who are on spiritual and consciousness journeys. It showed up for me when I was in the thick of my abyss and became an invaluable piece of my support network. Everyone in the group is this beautiful blend of action-oriented founder types who are actively working on healing their suffering and the suffering of others.

This was the first retreat we’ve organized as a community. It was led by

Scott Britton

, our incredible servant leader, and supported by a group of volunteer organizers. It was a wonderful example of “building with” rather than “building for”, as my friends who wrote Get Together like to say.

All of the programming was created by the community, using the “Wisdomeshare” concept developed by Laura Sniderman. Members submitted ideas for sessions they wanted to host, the community voted, and that set the agenda.

For three days, members facilitated breathwork, Zazen meditation, Qigong, authentic dance and movement, a discussion on capitalism and consciousness, kundalini yoga, a Jewish mysticism workshop, improv, and more. There were cacao ceremonies in the morning and tea ceremonies at night. It was soooo much fun.

Walking around the grounds, you’d see people playing, hugging, impromptu coaching sessions, playing music together… it’s how I imagine the early days of Burning Man must have felt. Intimate, playful, easy, loving, emergent.

A highlight for me was an impromptu conversation we facilitated about the future of the community. The group is growing and the need for more structure is emerging. Most attendees showed up and we had a lively discussion about our vision for the future of the community. Everyone’s energy to contribute to this community and excitement about its future was palpable.

I’ve been feeling a bit jaded about the state of community these past two years. This experience gave me new hope. It showed me that communities today can be conscious, hold conflict without exile, and create a safe space for members to be fully revealed in all their messy humanness.

It was also a healing experience for me as a community leader. This was the first time I’ve fully stepped back into leading a community experience since I stepped down from CMX two years ago and experienced a public cancellation. I’ve been hesitant to step back into community leadership. I still hold a lot of fear. Fear that I’ll take up too much space. Fear that I’ll cause or receive harm. Fear that I’ll be canceled again. In this group, I was able to reveal those fears and was shown so much love and acceptance. It helped me step more fully back into community leadership. It reminded me of my gifts. It felt really fucking good.

Downshift Decelerator Retreat

The Downshift team aka “the world’s slowest high achievers”.

A week later, I was back in the Catskills and back in the community organizing seat, helping facilitate the four-day Downshift retreat that kicked off our Fall Decelerator.

This was our second time hosting the retreat. The first time, I played more of a supporting role for

Steven Schlafman

who designed and led the bulk of the program. This time, it felt like a true team effort, with Steve,

Tracy Lawrence

,

Matt Yao

,

Andy Johns

, and myself all designing, leading, and contributing to the container.

Over the course of four days, a group of ten high achievers who are in transition came together to go inward and investigate their relationship with death, endings, liminality, and lostness. We spent extended time in nature. We revealed our deepest longings. We did the work, and all came out with new relationships with ourselves, with each other, and with life.

Working on Downshift has helped me believe in being a part of a team again. I’ve discovered that I hold a lot of trauma, stories, and patterns from past team experiences. I’m grateful for Steve for putting his trust in me and for everyone on the team being such incredible collaborators. They have challenged me, encouraged me to step into my power, and held me lovingly when I’ve gone “below the line”.

It’s remarkable to be on a team where everyone has an active consciousness practice. We can name our stories without assuming they’re true. We can support each other in our journeys. We make space for all our humanness rather than expecting us to be some perfectly optimized cog. It’s the most honest experience I’ve ever had with a business. It’s the most safe I’ve felt on a team.

I think back to where I was a year ago, when I first spoke to Steve about his idea for Downshift, and I’m in awe of where we are today.

Thanks, universe.

Developing my coaching practice

Finally, my coaching practice continues to unfold at a steady pace.

I’m currently sharpening my skills with the Aletheia coach training program. It weaves together a number of practices, similar to Hakomi, IFS, somatic experiencing, and other practices that have been impactful for me.

My client list continues to grow. I’m at half capacity at the moment, but with a lot of inbound the past few weeks, I expect to fill up soon.

I’m still not where I need to be financially to feel secure, but I see a clear path to get there. I’m continuing to trust the process and let things unfold.

The focus areas of my coaching are falling into three buckets:

1. Downshift coaching: Helping high achievers navigate transition by getting in touch with who they truly are and what they’re truly longing for

2. Community coaching: Helping community founders and leaders to design and lead financially sustainable communities from a place of consciousness, confidence, and love (for themselves and for others)

3. Cancel coaching: This is a new one that I’m seeding in the world. I believe that being canceled can feel like going through hell AND it can be truly transformative. It was for me. I’d like to support people who are navigating these experiences and give them a supportive, loving, and nonjudgmental space to move through it.

If you or someone you know is navigating any of these three territories and are interested in being supported, please reach out.

It’s been a very active couple of months. Behind it all, I’m continuing to work on myself, deepening my Zazen practice, journaling daily, taking long hikes in the woods, and working with friends, coaches, and therapists who are helping me heal and to know myself more deeply.

My soul feels energized. My body feels tired. But it’s the good kind of tired, like after a hard day’s work.

I noticed that I’ve been starting to feel overwhelmed with my schedule, so I’m reimplementing my Calendar Defense System™. Maintaining spaciousness in my life is a top priority for me, even as I go deeper into my “upshift”.

I feel a strong yearning to pick up the pace of writing here again, so expect to see more from me.

That feels like enough to update you on for now. Please drop a comment or reply and tell me what’s happening in your world, or what resonated with you from this update. I’d love to hear from you!

Until next time.

Happy swimming,
David

P.S. Happy Fall! Here’s a picture I took of the lake by my house.

1. This interview with Manuela Mischke-Reeds was the best I’ve found for wrapping my head around the practice before experiencing it.