Does This Need to Be a Goal?

A process for cutting unnecessary goals and setting intentions in their place

Last week I wrote about living without goals. Most goals, I boldly claimed, can just be intentions.

Chris asked a great question in the comments:

“Awesome piece David. Loved reading this and I can relate to a lot of what you said. You speak about replacing goals with intentions. I would love to understand more about how you approach the act of intention setting, what you believe them be, and what they should signify.”

Basically, Chris is saying, “cool cool but how?” That’s a great question. Here’s my take…

A goal speaks to an outcome I’m committing to achieve.

An intention speaks to how I want to show up to the process.

Eat a whole box of Buncha Crunch would be a goal.

Savor every bite of Buncha Crunch would be an intention.

An activity can have both a goal and an intention but, often, I find it doesn’t need to be goal. It can just be an intention.

How do I figure it out? I run the goal through a set of reflective questions. What I’ve found is that when I discover a goal isn’t necessary, an intention naturally emerges.

To show you what I mean, today I’ll walk through three real goals I’ve recently considered adding to my life:

Goal #1: Get to 10,000 substack subscribers

Goal #2: Bench press 150lbs x 12 reps

Goal #3: Get to $300k in annual income

Spoiler: Through this reflection, I’ll find that goal #1 and goal #2 can be intentions. Goal #3 I find should remain a goal. I’m including that here so you can see both outcomes.

The questions I’ll use to reflect on each goal:

To make it easy for you to replicate this process, here are the five questions I use:

1. Is this goal driven by a real, practical need or by my ego?

2. What story is this goal helping me reinforce?

3. What feelings am I avoiding by setting this goal?

4. What risks would I be taking if I didn’t set this goal and just let things unfold instead?

5. Could this goal be an intention instead? What could that intention be?

Let’s give it a shot…

Goal #1: Get to 10,000 Substack subscribers

I’ve been writing this newsletter for a few years now. I’m currently at 7,000 subscribers. There’s a part of me that wants to grow faster and hit this magic number of 10,000. Should I start using growth tactics to ramp up my growth rate and get there?

Let’s explore this goal using my list of reflection questions.

1. Is this goal driven by a real, practical need or by my ego?

The case for a practical need here is weak. I could say that growing my audience will help me reach the level of income I need for my family to survive, but does it really? Not directly. Pretty sure I could reach the level of income without hitting this goal.

For sure, there’s a strong level of ego here. I notice I want to be someone who has 10k subscribers. I notice that number holding some significance as a measure of reputation and success in the eyes of others.

2. What story is this goal helping me reinforce?

That I’m a “successful” writer and creator. That I have a big audience (social status). That I’m important and worth listening to. That I’m a big deal. That I’m writing something worth reading.

3. What feelings am I avoiding by setting this goal?

I notice feelings of fear around being unworthy and not enoughness. I notice a fear of being irrelevant. I notice a fear, and some anger, around the idea of “losing” by not being as successful as friends who have large audiences.

4. What risks would I be taking if I didn’t set this goal and just let things unfold instead?

I suppose I might end up with fewer subscribers because I’m not pushing myself to grow it.

And look, I know it’s not just about total subscribers. It’s about reaching the right people. Could there be a goal here that’s focused on reaching the right people rather than just total subscriber count? Yes.

Do I feel like setting a goal is needed for me to reach enough of the right people? No…

I think I can reach enough by just doing what I feel called to do without having to push.

5. Could this goal be an intention instead? What could that intention be?

Yes. The intention that comes to mind:

Write what brings me joy, at a pace that feels spacious, and trust that it will reach the right people.

I feel much better bringing that intention to my writing than having to commit to that subscriber goal. And I don’t feel like I’m risking much by removing this goal. If I’m still not getting enough income at the end of this year, I may need to revisit.

Goal #2: Bench press 150lbs x 12 reps

After over a decade of not stepping foot in a gym, I started lifting at the start of this year. I’m really enjoying it! I can feel myself getting stronger. I can see my body changing.

I’ve noticed at times an urge to start setting weightlifting goals. Let’s give this goal an intention check.

1. Is this goal driven by a real, practical need or by my ego?

I do think it’s important for me to invest in my health. I want to be active late into life. I want to be able to keep playing basketball. I want to keep playing with my kids.

But this goal specifically? It feels arbitrary.

My ego feels like it’s very present with this goal. I notice a story that I *should* be able to bench press that much weight. I notice I compare myself to other people in the gym. I notice people I follow online who are hitting these intense fitness goals and how it makes me feel like I need to do that too.

2. What story is this goal helping me reinforce?

That I’m strong. That I’m capable of achieving hard things. That I’m tough. That I’m manly. That I can defend myself.

3. What feelings am I avoiding by setting this goal?

That I’m weak. That I’m not enough until I reach some level of strength and muscle growth. I notice a fear that I’m ugly. I also notice a fear of not being masculine enough.

4. What risks would I be taking if I didn’t set this goal and just let things unfold instead?

It’s possible I would progress a little slower, but I don’t know if that’s true. I feel like I’m challenging myself at the edge of my ability every day without a goal.

There doesn’t seem to be any risk here.

5. Could this goal be an intention instead? What could that intention be?

Yes! I can pretty clearly see how this goal could be an intention instead.

What comes to mind:

Stay present with my body and challenge myself at the edge of my ability knowing that it might change each day.

Boy does that take the weight off my shoulders.

Goal #3: Get to $300k in annual income

Ok last one.

I already spoiled the ending here. I’ll find that this in fact should be a goal.

Still, going through the exercise was helpful for shaping this goal in a way that feels aligned for me.

Let’s go through it together…

1. Is this goal driven by a real, practical need or by my ego?

There’s a clear practical need here. I’ve run the numbers. I need to be making at least $200k, minumim, for my family to be able to live where we live (thanks housing market!)

We’re living here to be close to family, so it’s not an option to move. So $200k is the floor. It doesn’t include luxuries like vacations, going out for dinner, paying babysitters, etc.

$300k would make me and my family feel financially secure and allow us to save, invest, and treat ourselves to the modest luxuries that we hope to be able to enjoy.

Is my ego also present here? A little bit. But the part of me that craves wealth wants me to shoot for millions of dollars. $300k feels low to this part. I know that part of my ego well, it drove me for much of my 20s. I’m listening to what it wants, but I’m not letting it “drive the bus” on this goal.

So this goal feels like it’s relatively free of ego. It’s a real, practical need.

2. What story is this goal helping me reinforce?

That I’m not poor. That I’m someone who knows how to make money. That I can provide for my family. That I’m good at “business”. That I’m successful.

3. What feelings am I avoiding by setting this goal?

I notice fear.

Fear of failing. Of not being good enough to take care of my family. Of not being strong. Of not doing my duty as a father, husband, and son. Fear of not being able to have the quality of life I want. Fear that it will always feel painful to pay for childcare and the expenses of raising a family.

So other parts of my ego are still tangled in here.

4. What risks would I be taking if I didn’t set this goal and just let things unfold instead?

I risk putting our family in financial trouble if I don’t reach the floor quickly enough. There’s a point where, if I’m not making enough money, we’d have to move farther away from family. I risk us not being able to buy a house, provide for our kids, pay for college, take care of my parents, get to go on vacations, etc. I risk us living with financial stress and insecurity.

5. Could this goal be an intention instead? What could that intention be?

I think this should be a goal. There’s a real, practical need. And there’s a real deadline: the line of financial risk that I don’t want to cross.

I can still add an intention here though:

Prioritize work that brings me joy and allows me to maintain balance and spaciousness in my life.

That feels good.

How to set a spacious goal

When I decide that something should be a goal, I have another set of questions I use to make sure the goal is intentional and isn’t more overwhelming than it needs to be.

This post is getting long, so let’s save this framework for next time.

Hit that subscribe button to keep digging in together.

I’d love to hear more about your experience with goals and intentions, and if this exercise was helpful for you. Hit reply or drop a comment and let me know!