The Three-Step Decision Making Process You Weren't Taught In School
Life really seems to come down to the decisions we make. And we humans have to make SO many decisions.
Just today I made decisions about what to wear, whether to run in the woods or go to the gym, which coffee shop to go to, what to write about, what tasks to do, which emails to respond to, what to say in each email, whether I should test balloon a new project, what to eat for lunch… and it’s not even noon.
And, in the background, I’m contemplating bigger decisions, like the direction I want to take my coaching practice, who my ideal clients are, if I should hire a coach for myself right now, how to stabilize my income… (yes, a lot of business and money questions swirling in my mind right now).
Decisions, decisions, decisions… They never seem to end!
So how we make decisions seems like a pretty important skill to develop. And yet, when are we taught how to make decisions? If you’re like me, never? We get vague one-liners like “listen to your gut!” or “follow your intuition!” with no guidance on what any of that means.
So today I thought I’d share the process that I’ve learned to tap into my intuition and make more conscious, empowered decisions.
⭐️ If you’d like to go deeper and experience this process, join Astrid Schanz-Garbassi and I tomorrow at 1pm eastern for our Powerful Decision Making workshop! RSVP Here
Here’s a decision-making process that you can start to practice today:
1. Determine if it’s a Complicated or Complex Problem 🌀
The first step is to determine if the problem you’re working on is complicated or complex. This framing comes from the Cynefin framework.
Complicated problems have an objective right answer.
Examples:
Coding a website (it either works or it doesn’t)
Solving a math equasion (there’s only one right answer)
Doing taxes (you’ve either done it correctly or not)
Complex problems do not have an objective right answer. There are many paths you can take, and all of them have trade-offs. There are many many variables at play that make it impossible to know exactly what will happen.
Examples:
Deciding to hire or fire someone
Knowing when a product is ready to ship
Deciding to stay at your job or leave
Where we often get stuck is that we try to find an objective, 100% right answer, in a complex situation. Our brain thinks and thinks and thinks, hoping you’ll land on this “AH HAH!” moment where you know for sure it’s the right choice. But in complex situations, there is no “right” choice. There’s just the choice you make, and how it ripples out into the world.
So first things first: Accept that there is no objectively right answer. No matter what you do, there will be trade-offs, most of which you cannot yet see until you take action.
2. Do a “Parts Town Hall” 🏛️
When we have a complex decision to make, what happens is all of these different voices start speaking up in our minds. We can call these voices “parts”, borrowing from IFS.
For example, as a CEO, I sometimes had to make the difficult decision of whether or not to let someone go. Many parts would get activated:
The part of me that’s compassionate and doesn’t want to hurt them
The part of me that’s business-minded and wants to make a pragmatic decision
The hopeful part of me that still believes they can turn it around.
The cynical part of me thinks the writing is on the wall.
The inner critic that thinks I should have made this decision months ago.
All of these parts spoke up at once, making my mind a very loud, chaotic place to be.
Where we get stuck is when we think that one of these voices has to be right, and the others wrong. But, as we already stated, in complex decisions, there is no right or wrong. Each part holds some truth.
So, instead, what we want to do is turn toward these parts one at a time and just listen, nonjudgmentally, to what they have to share. As you turn toward a part, you can journal on:
Where and how this part shows up in your body.
What this part’s job is.
What this part is afraid of happening if you make the wrong decision.
Note: There’s a method to working with parts that you can learn with a coach or therapist trained in parts work. It’s difficult to learn by just reading about it because it’s an embodied practice. If you’d like to experience it, we will be practicing this live together in tomorrow’s workshop.
Once your parts feel heard and seen, and your mind quiets, you’ll find that you have a greater capacity to be with the decision. Sometimes the answer becomes clear. Sometimes new options might emerge. Sometimes you realize that the decision doesn’t even have to be made yet, that the urgency was in your head.
If the decision still isn’t clear, however, then a helpful next step is to…
3. Design small experiments 🧪
This is a great opportunity to explore small experiments you can run to bring motion back to the situation. Break down the bigger decision into smaller pieces that you can test to gain new perspectives.
Let’s say I still didn’t know if firing the employee was the right choice or not. Some small experiments I could run:
Talk to the employee directly about my concerns.
Put the employee on a performance improvement plan.
Talk to three people in similar roles at other companies as comparison points.
Try moving the employee into a new role.
Do nothing and see if the answer becomes clearer in a month.
If you’re thinking about leaving your job to become a creator, you might interview a few creators or kick off a small side project.
If you’re thinking about raising money, you might choose to take a few meetings with investors to see how it feels.
If you’re deciding on a product pivot, you might set up customer interviews or design a landing page with the new direction to see how it feels.
As you run experiments, continue to notice when parts of you get activated, and turn toward them. Notice the fear. Let yourself feel it. Clarity always awaits on the other side of letting yourself be with the parts, and feel the emotions, you’ve been avoiding.