A Guide to Choosing a Coach or Therapist
How to find the right person for the job of supporting you in your life and work
There was a long time when I didn’t know who to turn to. I was building companies and hustling in my career while, at times, feeling totally anxious, overwhelmed, and insecure.
I spun in circles for a long time, struggling alone. I was unsure if what I needed was a coach, a therapist, or just a good nap. And I didn’t know how to take the step toward getting the professional support I needed.
This question of whether to choose a coach or a therapist, and how to find the right one, comes up often with my coaching clients. So, I thought today I’d share my lessons to help any of you who are sitting with this question.
I come to this question from the experience of:
Being a 4x founder over the last 16 years
Being a client of a number of different kinds of coaches (exec, IFS, conflict, Aletheia, and more) over the last 10 years
Being a client for a traditional talk therapist (CBT)
Being a full-time coach for founders, execs, and community builders over the past two years
My training and education as a coach by Aletheia, Hakomi, and more
There are many different kinds of coaches and therapists. And both coaching and therapy are incredibly valuable. Finding the right one can be life-and-career-changing.
I hope this guide helps you take a step toward finding the support you need.
Before we dive in, just a reminder that this article is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice. Always consult a licensed mental health professional or healthcare provider for personalized support.
Should you work with a therapist or a coach?
Let’s start with the big question. Therapist or coach? The challenge is that the lines have blurred, and traditional definitions no longer apply.
Therapy used to be all about looking "backward” at trauma, childhood, and inner patterns, while coaching was all about looking “forward” with strategy, planning, and optimization.
This is no longer the case. A lot of coaches take a more therapeutic lens and look back, work with “lowercase-t” trauma, unpack long-held patterns, etc.
And many therapists now take an approach that, traditionally, we would have considered to be “coaching”: forward-looking, planning, strategizing, etc.
So, while I don’t recommend throwing out this question entirely, I’d keep this important point in mind:
The individual and their specific methodology, experience, and vibes matter more than whether they identify as a coach or therapist.
Always look deeply at the individual and whether they are a good fit for you.
Now, there are many different “inner work” methodologies in coaching and therapy. It’s easy to find yourself drowning in acronyms and obscure words (CBT, IFS, EMDR, somatic work, parts work 😵💫😵💫😵💫). It can be overwhelming to figure out which one is right for you.
Here is a helpful guide that explains some of the more common therapeutic methodologies and may help you narrow down the one that’s right for you.
My take?
Don’t stress about finding the perfect fit on day one. Most experienced practitioners will help you clarify what you need over time and refer you elsewhere if your work together reveals a better path. It’s okay to start with something basic and foundational, and explore deeper or more specialized approaches as you go.
The importance of chemistry
The best advice I received from a mentor on how to select a coach, which I think also applies to therapy:
“Is this someone that you’ll want to call on your worst days and your best?”
This person is going to be strapped alongside you on the roller coaster of your life and career. It should be someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with. It’s like dating. There has to be a connection. A spark.
It’s not just because it will be more enjoyable. It’s because the relationship itself plays a central role in growth and healing. Experiencing a safe, consistent, and compassionate relationship can begin to rewire our brains around what’s possible when interacting with other humans. We get to experience what “secure attachment” feels like, and then bring that security out into the world.
For example, I have a pattern of avoiding conflict. My therapists and coaches have created safe containers for me to test that edge, inviting in a little more conflict, allowing me to give them direct feedback that might hurt their feelings. Seeing them respond to my feedback with kindness and openness has reformed the pattern for me. It’s given me experience with a new possibility.
Of course, feeling chemistry with your coach or therapist is just one component. There are other practical considerations. Let’s talk about them…
Seven dimensions to consider when selecting a coach or therapist
Here are some considerations that can help you clarify who’s the best fit for you, along with interview questions you can bring with you to your intro call.
1. Domain Expertise: Do you want mentorship and advice?
Are you looking for someone who has walked the path that you’re on? Someone who can share lessons, frameworks, and perspectives from their own experience (e.g., starting a business, navigating burnout, reinventing their identity)? Someone who understands the jargon and inside jokes? It’s likely you’re looking for a coach here.
Many of my clients come to me because of my experience with building businesses, communities, and navigating transitions. They want someone supporting them who they believe has already been down a similar path. My coaching weaves together space holding and mentorship.
Therapists generally lean away from giving advice. Some coaches, too. Many, like me, are happy to blend both space-holding and advice-giving.
If this is important to you, ask up front how they bring mentorship into the container. And make sure to vet them on their lived experience.
Keep in mind, you don’t need your coach to have the same experience level as you. Some of the greatest NBA coaches in history never made it far in their own careers. Just make sure they’ve experienced enough to have an understanding of what you’re going through.
Ask them:
“What kind of personal experience do you have with what I’m navigating? Do you bring mentorship into our work together? If so, how?”
2. Scope of Practice: Are you looking for a specific methodology? Do you need clinical care?
You may be looking for a specific kind of practice. For example, some people are looking to work with an IFS practitioner or want to do somatic work.
If there are methods you know you want to work with, then you can narrow down your options based on practitioners who have training and experience with that method.
If you’re navigating mental health concerns, trauma, or need a diagnosis, you’ll want someone trained in psychological disorders and treatment. You’ll want to work with a licensed therapist here.
I’ve had potential clients come to me for coaching, whom I recommended work with a therapist first, because the level of anxiety and depression they were experiencing was beyond the scope of what I could support. I’ve also found it’s very difficult to engage with coaching effectively when you’re in a regular state of depression or intense anxiety. A therapist can help you get re-grounded first, which will open up more options.
It’s okay if you don’t know what you need yet. Just reach out or book the call. Most skilled practitioners are happy to chat and can point you in the right direction.
Ask them:
“What kinds of issues do you typically work with? How do you support the specific challenges I’m experiencing? What’s out of scope?”
3. Relationship Style: Do you want to be held or challenged?
In my experience, the work became much more valuable when I worked with someone willing to challenge me. Not so much that I felt attacked or overwhelmed, just enough to push me at my edge. It’s our job as coaches and therapists to challenge you lovingly and safely.
This goes back to the importance of chemistry and the relationship. As you build trust with your coach or therapist, you’ll become more capable of receiving their challenges.
When you interview them, take note of how much they challenge you. In an intro call, it may not be much, but you can start to get a sense of their edge. You can also ask them directly how they’ll challenge you.
Ask them:
“How do you balance being supportive with holding clients accountable or challenging them? How can I expect you to challenge me?”
4. Orientation Toward Goals: Are you focused on inner work or outer strategy?
In my kickoff with new clients, we often talk about the concept of “content and context”, from the Conscious Leadership Group. The content is the set of actions and plans you can take to reach a goal. The context is the underlying patterns, environment, and beliefs that may be preventing you from reaching the goal.
A couple examples:
Goal: I want to communicate better with my cofounder.
Content: Workshopping an email to share candid feedback with my cofounder.
Context: Exploring why I get so nervous any time there’s conflict.
Goal: I want to make more money.
Content: Creating a marketing plan to help me achieve my financial goals.
Context: Exploring the limiting beliefs I hold around money and wealth.
Therapy tends to lean heavily toward context. Some coaches do too, while other coaches lean heavily toward content.
In my experience, great coaching and therapy occur when the practitioner and the client are willing to work with both content and context.
Warning: The context work may feel a lot slower and like it’s “unproductive”. But this is the work that has most shifted things for me in the long run. The content work is important too, and can solve problems in the short run, but has generally failed to create lasting shifts.
Ask them:
“Do you tend to focus more on goals and tactics, or more on inner process and exploration? How do you bring both in to help me hit my goals?”
5. Support Format: Do you want help only in-session, or between sessions too?
Most therapy happens in session. Therapists will make themselves available to you in between sessions but it’s generally not a core part of the practice in my expeirence.
Coaching often includes support between sessions with voice notes, email, reflection prompts, practices, and homework. It’s more hands-on in that way.
If you’re looking for more ongoing contact and more activity in between sessions, that’s something to ask about up front. You may also inquire about frameworks, tools, and templates that the practitioner can offer you.
Ask them:
“What kind of support do you offer between sessions, if any? What work should I expect to do between sessions? What frameworks or tools might you bring in?”
6. Price & Accessibility: What’s your budget?
Therapy is often more affordable than coaching, especially if you have insurance.
If you’re looking for general mental health support, you can often find an excellent therapist for a fraction of what a coach might charge. That said, some therapists don’t take insurance and can be just as expensive as coaching.
I pay my therapist $25 per session after insurance. It’s extremely affordable. I pay much more for coaches—generally hundreds, sometimes over a thousand dollars per session.
If money is tight and you’re not sure what you need yet, therapy is often the more accessible first step.
Ask them:
“Do you take insurance or offer sliding scale rates?”
7. Training & Accountability: How much training and oversight do they have?
Therapists go through extensive education and licensing.
Most therapists have a master’s or doctoral degree in psychology, counseling, or social work. They’re required to complete thousands of hours of supervised clinical experience, pass board exams, and continue their education over time.
Therapists are also held to strict ethical standards and legal guidelines. Therapists are generally trained to work with trauma, mental illness, emotional dysregulation, and crisis, and there are systems of accountability if something goes wrong. You can report the issue, and they could lose their license.
Coaching, by contrast, is mostly an unregulated field. Some coaches have no formal training at all. Others have completed high-integrity certification programs (some of which are excellent). A growing number are trauma-informed or trained in modalities like IFS or somatics (I have training in both). It’s up to you to vet carefully. Ask about their training. Ask how they’ve handled tough situations with clients. Trust your gut.
I’ve worked with coaches who have truly mastered their craft. But it takes more due diligence to find the right one. If you’re dealing with trauma, mental illness, or emotional crisis, it may be safest to start with a licensed therapist where there are clear systems of accountability.
Ask them:
“What kind of training or supervision have you received? And how do you handle situations that might be outside your scope?”
Working with more than one coach or therapist at a time
You don’t have to find one person who does it all.
One of the most powerful shifts I’ve made in my personal growth work was moving from the question, “Who’s the one person that can support me?” to “What support team can I build around me?”
At any given time, I’ve worked with:
A therapist to help me process and stabilize
A coach to take me deep into inner work
Another coach to help me grow my business or leadership skills
Each relationship has served a different function. Each one supports a different part of me.
Here’s how it’s looked in practice:
My CBT therapist gives me space to vent, process emotions, and stay grounded. He doesn’t take me especially deep, but that’s okay. I don’t always need depth. Sometimes I need containment and steadiness.
My IFS or Hakomi-trained coaches take me into the deeper terrain: core wounds, emotional release, and big shifts in identity. That work is intense. And it’s not always what I want every week. Therapy helps me integrate it.
Strategic or executive coaches have helped me navigate career and leadership questions: decisions, communication, conflict, direction. When I was a CEO, this kind of coaching was essential. Now I work with coaches who help me sharpen my own coaching.
Each plays a role. None is “better” or “more complete.” They’re just different tools for different jobs.
If I expected my therapist to do deep identity work or my executive coach to hold space for grief, I might be disappointed. But together, they create a support system that’s much more responsive to where I’m at.
What about spiritual teachers?
There’s a third type of support you can work with that I think is worth mentioning: The spiritual teacher.
The lines here are becoming increasingly blurred as well, with some coaches and therapists taking a more holistic, spiritually inclusive approach.
For example, Aletheia, where I’ve received coach training, integrates nonduality into the methodology. I’m also a practitioner of Zen Buddhism and often introduce practices like Zazen meditation to my clients.
Some coaches may work with psychedelics, Akashic readings, Reiki, Qi Gong, energy work, or other more spiritually oriented practices. Many of the coaches I know have a deep spiritual practice that they bring into their container, explicitly or implicitly.
Then, there are the pure spiritual teachers. Roshis, priests, rabbis, imams, shamans, etc. I haven’t worked with a spiritual teacher in a formal, ongoing capacity. I’ve sat with teachers, one-off, through my Zen practice, and I learn a great deal from talks and books from Zen teachers that I bring into my life and business.
Zen has helped me approach life and work from a non-dual perspective. It’s helped me deepen my meditation practice, keeping me grounded through the storms of building businesses. And it’s given me entirely new ways of seeing the world. As a coach, my Zen practice has helped me be more present and capable of holding nonjudgmental space for my clients.
Spiritual teachers can also help with strategy and planning. I’ve brought similar questions to monks that I’ve brought to coaches and therapists, and received unique perspectives.
For example, when I was struggling with motivation after emptying my tank of dirty fuel, I asked a Zen teacher, “What’s the point of doing any work if I’m no longer motivated to achieve?” and she smiled and reminded me of the Boddhisatva Vow, “to end the suffering of all beings.”
It’s something a coach or therapist wouldn’t have told me. They would have helped me inspect the parts of me that worry about not being motivated, or unpack my patterns around productivity. All super helpful. But being reminded of the Boddhisatva Vow gave me something different, which felt tied to a larger purpose, steeped in reverence.
For some, just having a spiritual teacher is enough. It covers what they’d hope to get out of coaching or therapy. In my experience, it’s been a critical pillar, but not the whole of the support team I’ve needed.
Still not sure? Ask. And maybe just try it out.
Every coach, therapist, and spiritual teacher I know will gladly sit with you for a session for free. And an honest coach or therapist won’t try to sell you. They’ll help you get clear on what you truly need right now.
That includes me. If you’d like to explore coaching, you can learn more about my practice here. If it seems like a potential fit, I’m happy to do a free session with you. If I’m not a fit, please still reach out. I’m happy to email with you and help you find the path that’s right for you.
My recommendation, whatever you try, is to give it some time (at least three months). This is what I ask of my clients when we kick off. Coaching and therapy are both built on relationships between you and the coach and therapist. It can take time to build that trust and rapport. Some people have a breakthrough after one session. For others, it takes time. Taking a long-term view of the relationship is key.
I hope this guide will help you take a step toward getting the support you need. Coaching and therapy have been nothing short of life-changing for me. I only wish I had started sooner.
If you have any questions, please drop a comment or send me an email! I’d love to help, and I’m sure other readers here would love to help too.
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My deep gratitude to Derek Haswell, Amber Gauci Ward, Ayla Zeimer, Ketriellah Goldfeder, and Ivan Diller for their review and feedback on this article.