This is the first full thing - an essay, I guess - of yours that I've read and I can't wait to keep going. I have liked just earlier your post re. a day in the life of a workaholic, and I used to be one, and it is such a thorough description of how I used to feel, think and behave that I felt starved for more. And here I am.
This piece your wrote moved me very deeply. I felt the knot developing in my throat row after row. And then, at last, on the Rilke poem, tears have come down my cheeks.
I have been in and out of the abyss for the last couple of years and like you I start seeing the shore. And your three floating projects are aligned to mine, which is just incredible.
This week is again incredibly transformational for me, in new ways, and my Highly Sensitive Person's nature is making me feel overwhelmed with joy, pride, fears, expectations, impatience, deep awareness and so much more. And here we go, I cry again, some good, healthy tears.
You are a soul piercer, a term that just came to mind :). I think I have the power to be one too. I have been told I am a truth seeker. And you seem to be that as well. The abyss is the perfect place for seeking truth and for piercing souls, I think.
Little late to this party but since you asked, I'm sure even belated comments are cool, no? Yes?! Thanks!
1. The part that landed like a 2x4 across the back of the head was naming the feeling of having arrived somewhere I don't want to return to, but not knowing where to go next - the Abyss. Yes, that's it. I don't feel entitled to relate to your experince exactly, though, since my 'founder's journey' isn't really what people think of when they hear 'Founders' (capital-F). I formed a boutique law firm in a small town a few years out of law school and after a decade of my name in gold lettering on the windows decided the career was killing me. I might write about that someday...
2. Navigating the lack of 'enoughness' is something I haven't done yet. I'm still in the phase of proving my worth as much as possible every minute of every day, and starting to overwork myself to burn-out again. Didn't learn that lesson the first time. So I just ordered Uncommon, the Singer book you recommended, having LOVED the Untethered Soul. Thank you for that recommendation.
3. My abyss is decorated with a lot of sunlight because I'm 100% convinced I have major seasonal affective disorder and need as much Vitamin D from any source I can get it. ;-)
2. My catchphrase during this Q1/winter has been "content but not satisfied" -- which mostly has to do with my doing -- but I think it also relates to my enoughness in that I know I am enough, and also I know that I will always seek to feel more enough to help others feel enough.
3. If the fish does ever discovers what water is, it is too late.
4. Because all us woke parents said they can't have candy, so those little rebels picked a more expensive sugar that we can't deny them. You _could_ buy a 5gal bucket of candy corn and save the berry budget for a year.
Hey David, thank you so much for your vulnerability! I went through a pretty intense burnout a few years ago and I’m still in the abyss. I catch glimpses of that opposite shore with more regularity nowadays, but I’m often swept back out to the open ocean. The trapeze analogy and Havel essay both spoke to me. I’m gravitating to Havel’s third option of reinvention. It somehow feels right while feeling deeply unsettling.
Also, your What I’ve Been Doing section is super helpful. I always like to see what’s working for people. I’m feeling a nudge back to morning pages.
That "getting swept back out to the open ocean" is real. Has happened to me a few times in the last couple years. I'm currently as close to the opposite shore as I have been, but I know that I could easily be swept back out at any moment. It's scary.
If I'm being very honest, Havel's third option is calling to me too, but I have absolutely no idea what that thing might be. Havel's second option is the shore I'm currently arriving at. Perhaps the tide will sweep me back out and the third option will be the only option. We'll see.
I'm really interested in your experience with your spiritual and conscious journey. I think it plays such an important part in our lives, we need to learn how to tap into it. Thank you for being so honest in your post :)
Dude this was epic and fun to read. Appreciate how real about your experience you kept it and I’m grateful we’ve become friends and fellow journeyers!!! I also appreciate your support on the project front. Excited for what lies ahead my friend!
That Rilke quote (all this is unsolved in your heart) is 🔥, and getting to the point where you’re living that is a big, big deal. 👏
Also, going from internet strangers to doing some of this powerful, intimate work with you has been so damn life-giving. What a world we live in where this is possible…
It’s SO hard to live it. I constantly find myself attached to finding answers, attached to outcomes. But in the moments where I can come back to just sitting with the question, I feel a great weight lifted.
Deeply grateful for the work we’re doing together too.
Biggest thank you for this update, David! I went through exactly this, but for an even longer period of time. It’s refreshing to read someone else’s story. I’m excited to see what’s next for you, and myself as well :) feeling more aligned than ever.
At a high level, focusing on my health and self, relearning how to listen to my body and intuition came first. It taught me how to live and be grateful in the present moment again. Like I was experiencing things for the first time rather than rampantly seeking the future or novelty. Then the things that were most important to me started to become clearer again which allowed me to create a new vision for myself, what I reference now as my North Star. Envisioning was a skill I had been able to do since I was young but lost it through some of life’s twists and turns. I currently feel like I have a lot more clarity and gratitude about all I already have, and what I needed to learn (or relearn) through my abyss. And, finally, a much more sturdy magnetic pole bridging my mind to a North Star of what I seek to become. A bit of “woo woo” but it works for me.
I love it. Thanks so much for sharing. It gives me a bit of a picture of that the future might hold for me as well, though I am also working on going forward without expectation. I sense a lot of what you're describing within me already. The tuning into body and intuition has been something I've always struggled to do, but have been finding more and more possible as I've sat in the abyss.
Yes! Totally agreed on the expectations part. A work in progress, pretty much always and for everyone in western society. Expectations, goals, and performance is baked into our being. And obviously not to say that’s all bad.
The most useful piece of advice I read recently.. completely surrender. Once you surrender, the expansion can begin, but not without surrender.
And from an outsider’s perspective (we don’t know each other yet but I deeply admire your work) you are and will be more than fine. You have a conscientiousness about you that the world needs more of. But surrender and accept to rise to that expansion.
This is so rich, and full of things that feel synchronous! Thank you for sharing your journey. It's interesting to read about the "abyss" first thing this morning as I was struggling with quite a horrendous bout of insomnia last night which felt like entering a kind of abyss... Surrender is the only way!
I forget which author it was, but I read recently that finding awakening is a lot like falling asleep. You'll never find it by trying. The only way is to let go. To surrender. Sleep, in many ways, feels like the abyss to me.
Thanks for sharing, I laughed and grimaced. Some wonderful quotes in here too. The abyss is a cruel mistress but she does reward fidelity. The whole phase reminded me of something I went through not so long ago, and a host of communal and solo practices that got me from one trapeze bar to another including Zen & IFS also! https://www.nobt.co.uk/p/burnout-recovery-from-the-bottom-up
I see many parallels in our ecology of practices! I like the "lift heavy shit" part haha. I've been surprised to find how healing that has felt. It's also been a really good test of ego, and the extent to which I'm coming to it from enoughness vs comparison, competition, vanity, etc.
Thanks for the post David. I've been in a searching for the "next phase" period myself so a lot of what your are talking about sounds very familiar to me. It is a struggle though.
Alas, as one of my coaching told me, "we can find purpose in our pain".
Everything we're going through will bring more depth and meaning into the next chapter, and put us in a position to help others who enter the abyss later.
I've written about something similar, which I call "Embrace the drift."
We may have to drift for a while, pulled in a direction that might not feel natural or comfortable. We’ll desperately want the old control back. But we must let ourselves face where the new reality takes us. I’ve seen many others, while in the midst of change, not finish it because they can’t help but go back to their old ways and habits.
Wow. Thank you so much for this.
This is the first full thing - an essay, I guess - of yours that I've read and I can't wait to keep going. I have liked just earlier your post re. a day in the life of a workaholic, and I used to be one, and it is such a thorough description of how I used to feel, think and behave that I felt starved for more. And here I am.
This piece your wrote moved me very deeply. I felt the knot developing in my throat row after row. And then, at last, on the Rilke poem, tears have come down my cheeks.
I have been in and out of the abyss for the last couple of years and like you I start seeing the shore. And your three floating projects are aligned to mine, which is just incredible.
This week is again incredibly transformational for me, in new ways, and my Highly Sensitive Person's nature is making me feel overwhelmed with joy, pride, fears, expectations, impatience, deep awareness and so much more. And here we go, I cry again, some good, healthy tears.
You are a soul piercer, a term that just came to mind :). I think I have the power to be one too. I have been told I am a truth seeker. And you seem to be that as well. The abyss is the perfect place for seeking truth and for piercing souls, I think.
Little late to this party but since you asked, I'm sure even belated comments are cool, no? Yes?! Thanks!
1. The part that landed like a 2x4 across the back of the head was naming the feeling of having arrived somewhere I don't want to return to, but not knowing where to go next - the Abyss. Yes, that's it. I don't feel entitled to relate to your experince exactly, though, since my 'founder's journey' isn't really what people think of when they hear 'Founders' (capital-F). I formed a boutique law firm in a small town a few years out of law school and after a decade of my name in gold lettering on the windows decided the career was killing me. I might write about that someday...
2. Navigating the lack of 'enoughness' is something I haven't done yet. I'm still in the phase of proving my worth as much as possible every minute of every day, and starting to overwork myself to burn-out again. Didn't learn that lesson the first time. So I just ordered Uncommon, the Singer book you recommended, having LOVED the Untethered Soul. Thank you for that recommendation.
3. My abyss is decorated with a lot of sunlight because I'm 100% convinced I have major seasonal affective disorder and need as much Vitamin D from any source I can get it. ;-)
Belated comments are very welcome <3
Thanks for sharing your story Kristi. Wishing you peace and ease in your abyss! Let me know if I can help.
1. All the parts landed, David.
2. My catchphrase during this Q1/winter has been "content but not satisfied" -- which mostly has to do with my doing -- but I think it also relates to my enoughness in that I know I am enough, and also I know that I will always seek to feel more enough to help others feel enough.
3. If the fish does ever discovers what water is, it is too late.
4. Because all us woke parents said they can't have candy, so those little rebels picked a more expensive sugar that we can't deny them. You _could_ buy a 5gal bucket of candy corn and save the berry budget for a year.
5.
6. Where do I find this chat group you spake of
7.
Hey David, thank you so much for your vulnerability! I went through a pretty intense burnout a few years ago and I’m still in the abyss. I catch glimpses of that opposite shore with more regularity nowadays, but I’m often swept back out to the open ocean. The trapeze analogy and Havel essay both spoke to me. I’m gravitating to Havel’s third option of reinvention. It somehow feels right while feeling deeply unsettling.
Also, your What I’ve Been Doing section is super helpful. I always like to see what’s working for people. I’m feeling a nudge back to morning pages.
Sending love!
Thanks so much for the comment Brian.
That "getting swept back out to the open ocean" is real. Has happened to me a few times in the last couple years. I'm currently as close to the opposite shore as I have been, but I know that I could easily be swept back out at any moment. It's scary.
If I'm being very honest, Havel's third option is calling to me too, but I have absolutely no idea what that thing might be. Havel's second option is the shore I'm currently arriving at. Perhaps the tide will sweep me back out and the third option will be the only option. We'll see.
Thanks for the informative and vulnerable post David.
Thanks for the kind comment Victor.
I'm really interested in your experience with your spiritual and conscious journey. I think it plays such an important part in our lives, we need to learn how to tap into it. Thank you for being so honest in your post :)
Thanks for reading and for the kind comment Helen.
I identify with a lot of what you’re writing about and feeling
❤️
Dude this was epic and fun to read. Appreciate how real about your experience you kept it and I’m grateful we’ve become friends and fellow journeyers!!! I also appreciate your support on the project front. Excited for what lies ahead my friend!
Appreciate you on many levels Scott. Been delightful to have you in the abyss with me, and to start collaborating.
That Rilke quote (all this is unsolved in your heart) is 🔥, and getting to the point where you’re living that is a big, big deal. 👏
Also, going from internet strangers to doing some of this powerful, intimate work with you has been so damn life-giving. What a world we live in where this is possible…
It’s SO hard to live it. I constantly find myself attached to finding answers, attached to outcomes. But in the moments where I can come back to just sitting with the question, I feel a great weight lifted.
Deeply grateful for the work we’re doing together too.
Biggest thank you for this update, David! I went through exactly this, but for an even longer period of time. It’s refreshing to read someone else’s story. I’m excited to see what’s next for you, and myself as well :) feeling more aligned than ever.
Thanks for sharing that Sierra. Curious, how long were you in the abyss? What brought you out of it?
Fair to say 2-3 years, but not so linear.
At a high level, focusing on my health and self, relearning how to listen to my body and intuition came first. It taught me how to live and be grateful in the present moment again. Like I was experiencing things for the first time rather than rampantly seeking the future or novelty. Then the things that were most important to me started to become clearer again which allowed me to create a new vision for myself, what I reference now as my North Star. Envisioning was a skill I had been able to do since I was young but lost it through some of life’s twists and turns. I currently feel like I have a lot more clarity and gratitude about all I already have, and what I needed to learn (or relearn) through my abyss. And, finally, a much more sturdy magnetic pole bridging my mind to a North Star of what I seek to become. A bit of “woo woo” but it works for me.
Thank you again.
I love it. Thanks so much for sharing. It gives me a bit of a picture of that the future might hold for me as well, though I am also working on going forward without expectation. I sense a lot of what you're describing within me already. The tuning into body and intuition has been something I've always struggled to do, but have been finding more and more possible as I've sat in the abyss.
Yes! Totally agreed on the expectations part. A work in progress, pretty much always and for everyone in western society. Expectations, goals, and performance is baked into our being. And obviously not to say that’s all bad.
The most useful piece of advice I read recently.. completely surrender. Once you surrender, the expansion can begin, but not without surrender.
And from an outsider’s perspective (we don’t know each other yet but I deeply admire your work) you are and will be more than fine. You have a conscientiousness about you that the world needs more of. But surrender and accept to rise to that expansion.
This is so rich, and full of things that feel synchronous! Thank you for sharing your journey. It's interesting to read about the "abyss" first thing this morning as I was struggling with quite a horrendous bout of insomnia last night which felt like entering a kind of abyss... Surrender is the only way!
I forget which author it was, but I read recently that finding awakening is a lot like falling asleep. You'll never find it by trying. The only way is to let go. To surrender. Sleep, in many ways, feels like the abyss to me.
Enjoyed this and thanks for the shout-out! You know life is getting interesting (slash you're in the abyss) when you're reading Pema Chodron.
Of course! I've felt very connected and inspired by your writing.
Also you know you have real friends when they feel comfortable recommending you read a book titled, "When Things Fall Apart".
Thanks for sharing, I laughed and grimaced. Some wonderful quotes in here too. The abyss is a cruel mistress but she does reward fidelity. The whole phase reminded me of something I went through not so long ago, and a host of communal and solo practices that got me from one trapeze bar to another including Zen & IFS also! https://www.nobt.co.uk/p/burnout-recovery-from-the-bottom-up
Keep writing!
I see many parallels in our ecology of practices! I like the "lift heavy shit" part haha. I've been surprised to find how healing that has felt. It's also been a really good test of ego, and the extent to which I'm coming to it from enoughness vs comparison, competition, vanity, etc.
Thanks for the post David. I've been in a searching for the "next phase" period myself so a lot of what your are talking about sounds very familiar to me. It is a struggle though.
It can be the most painful thing in the world.
Alas, as one of my coaching told me, "we can find purpose in our pain".
Everything we're going through will bring more depth and meaning into the next chapter, and put us in a position to help others who enter the abyss later.
I love this update! Thank you for sharing it, David!
Thanks for being a friend in the abyss, David.
Enjoyed this essay... thank you for sharing.
I've written about something similar, which I call "Embrace the drift."
We may have to drift for a while, pulled in a direction that might not feel natural or comfortable. We’ll desperately want the old control back. But we must let ourselves face where the new reality takes us. I’ve seen many others, while in the midst of change, not finish it because they can’t help but go back to their old ways and habits.
https://newsletter.thewayofwork.com/p/fluidity