Could not resonate with this more strongly. I think it's part of why guys like you and me are great community builders – 1.) we have a hard time finding spaces we feel like WE belong in and 2.) we have more empathy to hold space for other people in the same vein.
I've been presumed to be gay a LOT throughout my life. It used to really hurt me – but I've outgrown that pain too. I see it more of a compliment on my empathy (which dudes often read as feminine).
As I've gotten older and been in the content world, I've noticed that the audience for my content is so much more female than my peers. And they notice it too – they don't follow many men online. It's a gift that we can speak and relate to all groups (even if we don't feel like we 'belong' to any one of them strongly).
So grateful for you and you sharing your experience here jay. It’s helpful to hear directly from other men in my circle, who I have a lot of respect for, share that this resonates.
Spot on about community building. It’s not surprising, in hindsight, that we’ve found ourselves doing work that balances the emotion and empathy of community with the ambition and optimization of business.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think all these labels are useless except for causing anxiety and division. Let's all just be who we are without percentages.
While some may say "natural", I say we are naturally many multilayered emotions and personalities every moment, but that doesn't mean anything bad. We need to except ourselves and each other as is every one of those moments.
Thanks for sharing. I can appreciate it felt scary.
I think the masculine and feminine labels hurt men and they hurt women. I've been told I "manage like a man" before, and all that meant was that I had *presumed to be good* management qualities like strength, decisiveness, straightforwardness, etc. And then we wonder why it's harder for women to be promoted when the underlying assumption is that they don't "naturally" have these kind of leadership qualities. So I've been thinking about this from the other direction for many years.
I can only imagine how hard it is for women in the workplace. I have female friend who just shared with me her experience with this dynamic. She also embodies a lot of qualities we presume to be “masculine”, but because she’s a women, she said she’s often judged as being “a bitch” where a man would just be regarded as a strong business person.
This was a beautiful and enlightening read. Thank you for sharing openly. I have often thought about people in my life who lean strongly away from their biological and expressed gender. I am so thankful for the range and diversity available for all of us.
Thank you for such a vulnerable share, David. It made me reflect deeply. I agree that we contain multitudes, though much of that consists of masks and armour we wear to protect ourselves and hide who we are at our core. Recognising these masks is the first step towards returning home to ourselves.
The point you raised about using the titles “masculine” and “feminine” just reinforcing gender norms made me pause and reflect. I realised how it also reinforces a scarcity mindset, making us feel inadequate. While understanding masculine and feminine energy has helped me uncover some of the masks I wore and the stories I told myself about who I was, I see it as another mental model. It’s a useful framework, but one that should be taken with a pinch of salt. The beauty lies in the nuances and edges.
Yeah the titles are a tough one because I think they make intuitive sense to people, which makes it easier to talk about. If you use "yin" and "yang", people have no idea which is which. Masculine and feminine each have connotations that people inherently understand. The question is, are those connotations true? Are our assumptions about what is "feminine" and what is "masculine" true? And what are the second order effects of tying masculine energy to male gender and feminine energy to female energy?
With all those ratios, you're still trying to situate yourself in the binary. Ditch the binary! Stick with the "We contain multitudes" and end there. 💙
Timely post David, I've was reading a book discussing Yin and Yang energies the other day, Yin being female, associated with water whereas Yang is masculine, associated with fire.
Like you mentioned, a man with feminine energy can be perceived as weak, but this view lacks intelligence. Think about the ocean, it's water so it's Yin energy, but as we all know... the ocean can be one of the most powerful and destructive forces in nature.
Agree with you on the ratios. Few things are black and white, instead they are on a spectrum, some shade of grey, varying over time depending on past experiences/personal circumstances.
It’s called Ethical Scaling, it’s a short read, I think you’d appreciate it. I worked with Ben the author he’s a great dude and takes a whole different approach to sales and marketing
Bloody love your writing- and as a female with a very strong masculine side- I totally get it!
Yoga is a wonderful place to spend time in where the idea of masculine and feminine energies are seen to be part of the same person. Same as Tantra- I once took a friend who was stuck accessing her sensual side to a workshop as a good friend- and was totally blown away by the false dichotomy of our very western idea of gender and gender identities. Keep writing these ideas out- the threads connect all over the place.
This is BEAUTIFUL. Thank you for sharing. This is what the world needs. Lots of self love. Don’t ever stop being your beautiful self.
I’m 64, always been a girly girl, even when I was a horse girl. Learned recently I’m on the autism spectrum. Integrating who/what I am, so that I can stop hating myself. That is job one.
I also think using "masculine" and "feminine" to describe traits, energies, or qualities is extremely harmful. We all need to break that conditioning and embrace people for who they are!
Thanks David for sharing your vulnerability- it takes courage to speak the truth :)
I'm living in a very masculine hunter/ provider community where men typically equate the idea of strength of character with aggression and domination and where there are very traditional roles for women or those who identify with feminine energy, as being kind/ compassionate/ nurturing/ motherly/ sensitive etc.
I'm fortunate to be working with some men who are strong enough to stand up and say that stereotype of men isn't who they are and it is a privileged journey for me.
This is the way forward for humanity- to embrace all our parts and accept each other.
One client told me how several of his closest friends have suicided, essentially because they saw themselves as not fitting in with the societal expectations of these rugged men who drink a lot, don't talk about feelings and have volatile relationships because of their aggressive bullying or narcissistic behaviour.
That way of life is not showing strength, to me that says a whole lot about fear- of others and not being prepared to get to know ourselves.
True strength is in self discovery, in learning how to reconcile our past and all our wonderful uniqueness, celebrate our connections and live in the present moment, whole and free.
Life is Yin & Yang. May all men come to embrace their sensitivity, kindness and compassion as you have David.
In Maori- our indigenous language, we would say Kia Kaha David- Be Strong!
I need to read more closely and think on a deeper response. But what resonates as a general thought is that you may not feel totally masculine (as a guy) and that's ok. You don't have to fit into all the stereotypes around what a guy/man needs to be. It's ok to be and feel different!
Could not resonate with this more strongly. I think it's part of why guys like you and me are great community builders – 1.) we have a hard time finding spaces we feel like WE belong in and 2.) we have more empathy to hold space for other people in the same vein.
I've been presumed to be gay a LOT throughout my life. It used to really hurt me – but I've outgrown that pain too. I see it more of a compliment on my empathy (which dudes often read as feminine).
As I've gotten older and been in the content world, I've noticed that the audience for my content is so much more female than my peers. And they notice it too – they don't follow many men online. It's a gift that we can speak and relate to all groups (even if we don't feel like we 'belong' to any one of them strongly).
So grateful for you and you sharing your experience here jay. It’s helpful to hear directly from other men in my circle, who I have a lot of respect for, share that this resonates.
Spot on about community building. It’s not surprising, in hindsight, that we’ve found ourselves doing work that balances the emotion and empathy of community with the ambition and optimization of business.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think all these labels are useless except for causing anxiety and division. Let's all just be who we are without percentages.
While some may say "natural", I say we are naturally many multilayered emotions and personalities every moment, but that doesn't mean anything bad. We need to except ourselves and each other as is every one of those moments.
Beautifully said Nancy. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing. I can appreciate it felt scary.
I think the masculine and feminine labels hurt men and they hurt women. I've been told I "manage like a man" before, and all that meant was that I had *presumed to be good* management qualities like strength, decisiveness, straightforwardness, etc. And then we wonder why it's harder for women to be promoted when the underlying assumption is that they don't "naturally" have these kind of leadership qualities. So I've been thinking about this from the other direction for many years.
I can only imagine how hard it is for women in the workplace. I have female friend who just shared with me her experience with this dynamic. She also embodies a lot of qualities we presume to be “masculine”, but because she’s a women, she said she’s often judged as being “a bitch” where a man would just be regarded as a strong business person.
Ah well, there’s that for sure.
Thank you for sharing - I can only imagine how terrifying it was to put this in writing then share it with the world. I am grateful you did!
This was a beautiful and enlightening read. Thank you for sharing openly. I have often thought about people in my life who lean strongly away from their biological and expressed gender. I am so thankful for the range and diversity available for all of us.
Thank you for such a vulnerable share, David. It made me reflect deeply. I agree that we contain multitudes, though much of that consists of masks and armour we wear to protect ourselves and hide who we are at our core. Recognising these masks is the first step towards returning home to ourselves.
The point you raised about using the titles “masculine” and “feminine” just reinforcing gender norms made me pause and reflect. I realised how it also reinforces a scarcity mindset, making us feel inadequate. While understanding masculine and feminine energy has helped me uncover some of the masks I wore and the stories I told myself about who I was, I see it as another mental model. It’s a useful framework, but one that should be taken with a pinch of salt. The beauty lies in the nuances and edges.
Love this reflection. Thanks Cristina.
Yeah the titles are a tough one because I think they make intuitive sense to people, which makes it easier to talk about. If you use "yin" and "yang", people have no idea which is which. Masculine and feminine each have connotations that people inherently understand. The question is, are those connotations true? Are our assumptions about what is "feminine" and what is "masculine" true? And what are the second order effects of tying masculine energy to male gender and feminine energy to female energy?
With all those ratios, you're still trying to situate yourself in the binary. Ditch the binary! Stick with the "We contain multitudes" and end there. 💙
I think you’re right
Timely post David, I've was reading a book discussing Yin and Yang energies the other day, Yin being female, associated with water whereas Yang is masculine, associated with fire.
Like you mentioned, a man with feminine energy can be perceived as weak, but this view lacks intelligence. Think about the ocean, it's water so it's Yin energy, but as we all know... the ocean can be one of the most powerful and destructive forces in nature.
Agree with you on the ratios. Few things are black and white, instead they are on a spectrum, some shade of grey, varying over time depending on past experiences/personal circumstances.
Love this framing of Fire and Water.
What was the book?
It’s called Ethical Scaling, it’s a short read, I think you’d appreciate it. I worked with Ben the author he’s a great dude and takes a whole different approach to sales and marketing
Bloody love your writing- and as a female with a very strong masculine side- I totally get it!
Yoga is a wonderful place to spend time in where the idea of masculine and feminine energies are seen to be part of the same person. Same as Tantra- I once took a friend who was stuck accessing her sensual side to a workshop as a good friend- and was totally blown away by the false dichotomy of our very western idea of gender and gender identities. Keep writing these ideas out- the threads connect all over the place.
Thanks so much Kate. I’ve done a lot of yoga and that rings true. I don’t know much about tantra. Sounds like I have something new to explore!
This is BEAUTIFUL. Thank you for sharing. This is what the world needs. Lots of self love. Don’t ever stop being your beautiful self.
I’m 64, always been a girly girl, even when I was a horse girl. Learned recently I’m on the autism spectrum. Integrating who/what I am, so that I can stop hating myself. That is job one.
Keep shining ✨🙏💫
Thanks so much sward. It sounds like you’ve been on a beautiful journey too. Wishing you well ❤️
I also think using "masculine" and "feminine" to describe traits, energies, or qualities is extremely harmful. We all need to break that conditioning and embrace people for who they are!
Thanks David for sharing your vulnerability- it takes courage to speak the truth :)
I'm living in a very masculine hunter/ provider community where men typically equate the idea of strength of character with aggression and domination and where there are very traditional roles for women or those who identify with feminine energy, as being kind/ compassionate/ nurturing/ motherly/ sensitive etc.
I'm fortunate to be working with some men who are strong enough to stand up and say that stereotype of men isn't who they are and it is a privileged journey for me.
This is the way forward for humanity- to embrace all our parts and accept each other.
One client told me how several of his closest friends have suicided, essentially because they saw themselves as not fitting in with the societal expectations of these rugged men who drink a lot, don't talk about feelings and have volatile relationships because of their aggressive bullying or narcissistic behaviour.
That way of life is not showing strength, to me that says a whole lot about fear- of others and not being prepared to get to know ourselves.
True strength is in self discovery, in learning how to reconcile our past and all our wonderful uniqueness, celebrate our connections and live in the present moment, whole and free.
Life is Yin & Yang. May all men come to embrace their sensitivity, kindness and compassion as you have David.
In Maori- our indigenous language, we would say Kia Kaha David- Be Strong!
I need to read more closely and think on a deeper response. But what resonates as a general thought is that you may not feel totally masculine (as a guy) and that's ok. You don't have to fit into all the stereotypes around what a guy/man needs to be. It's ok to be and feel different!