Self-worth vs Self-confidence -I’ve had to sit with that thought for awhile.
I, too, have been an “over achiever”. I thought of good was never good enough. So I constantly kept setting the bar. Each time the feeling of success, was short lived. Then there’d be a new goal…
I’ve been practicing self-love which involves acceptance and being enough. Totally a different mindset. I am learning to “be” and not “do” so much. I am working through Inspired Action instead. Yes I m accomplishing new goals and ideas but I m not “grinding it out” to get it done. I am living more from my heart and not so much from my head.
I am enough and I have found peace with knowing this. 🩵
I Love this David. I think there’s something developmental about goals. At certain stages of development goals are useful, meaningful, and healthy way for us to assert ourselves in the worlds AND they’re often underpinned and driven by wounds (though not always).
At a certain point we develop the capacity to see context and systems which rattles our sense of self and purpose and what’s meaningful (often associated with experiences like “The Abyss”). In this newer stage of development goals are sometimes experienced as an “irrelevant” construct that’s not useful AND/or is prone to activating wounds.
The question is can we “transcend and include” the useful benefits of goals. Letting go of them where their harmful, but employing them when they can be helpful.
Your framework of questions is exactly that! Thanks for sharing Those, they’re are super useful!
Also, I love Joe Hudson. He’s great.
Also sorry I left you such a long winded comment… haha. 😆 you just got me jazzed.
You articulated this so well Noah! Clearly something you've sat with. That's exactly the journey I'm going through.
A few people asked about how to reform goals as intentions, so my next post is going to run through a few goals I've considered with these questions in mind. I'm noticing exactly what your'e describing, that goals can be beneficial when not attached to ego.
I gave up goal setting over a decade ago, it never worked for me as a motivating force. Goals were created by type A ambitious people, who always need something to work towards. But not everyone lives like that nor is motivated by it. Some people simply enjoy the journey and not the achievement.
Hey David, no I never get the urge to set goals, and I don't really set "intentions" either, as those feels like just a nicer way to say "goals". I do define what I want my life to be about, and just work towards making those things part of my life, and eliminating things I do not want to be part of my life.
…must be something in the water…i went goaless intentionless for 2024 and feel more contentful for it…directions are important but getting there is more fun…
Love this insight and where your latest writing on decelaration is going David.
Your idea of life without goals reminded me of a similar idea shared by Jason Zook and Paul Jarvis I had written and forgotten about about defining one's Minimum Monthly Number, but as important, defining one's Maximum Enough to avoid chasing more and more.
Awesome piece David. Loved reading this and I can relate to a lot of what you said. You speak about replacing goals with intentions. If you haven't already a written on the subject in particular, I would love to understand more about how you approach to the act of intention setting, what you believe them be, and what they should signify. Keep up the great work and thank you!
When I go through the questions I shared, I may realize that the goal I had in mind was actually about a way I want to be. It’s not publishing a book that’s important. It’s the way I think accomplishing that goal will make me feel. I think it will make me happy.
So if I can arrive at the feeling I want to have by hitting a goal, I can ask myself how I might be able to connect to that feeling now, in this moment. And that becomes an intention.
Most of what I’ve found is that my goals are all trying to help me reach a state where I’ll be happy, connected, and feel like I’m enough.
I’ve learned that all of those things can be achieved in this moment by coming into presence.
So I suppose my main intention is to be present. Present with the work I’m doing. Present with the person I’m with. Present with myself.
I think if I just keep coming back to an intention of presence, everything else works itself out whether or not I’ve set a goal around it.
As some who used to set new goals every 6 weeks. This really speaks to me, I haven’t set goals in the past 3 years and feel much better about myself and who I am. This perfectly articulates my thoughts on goals. Nice work!
So beautifully articulated David thank you. I don't set goals either. Habits and systems, intentions, values, space for things to emerge - yes, but not goals. As a (business) coach, folks can find that a bit strange. Entire coaching modalities are based on goal setting. But they've never worked for me, nor many of my clients. I think once we really get tuned into ourselves, and let go of the illusion of control, goals feel less relevant and intuition can take a more of a leading role in setting the direction.
the link you make between identify and goals is also critical here. If we're not clear on identity and who we are / want to be, well meaning goals can pull us in the wrong direction. And make us feel like sh*t when we (predictably) don't achieve them. Same can be said for habits and intentions of course, which is why aligning a sense of identity is essential (and sometimes really hard) work.
I love this David! Most goals can just be intentions. Yes! (And honored to hear my note inspired this post.)
I can really resonate with your thoughts.
Self-worth vs Self-confidence -I’ve had to sit with that thought for awhile.
I, too, have been an “over achiever”. I thought of good was never good enough. So I constantly kept setting the bar. Each time the feeling of success, was short lived. Then there’d be a new goal…
I’ve been practicing self-love which involves acceptance and being enough. Totally a different mindset. I am learning to “be” and not “do” so much. I am working through Inspired Action instead. Yes I m accomplishing new goals and ideas but I m not “grinding it out” to get it done. I am living more from my heart and not so much from my head.
I am enough and I have found peace with knowing this. 🩵
I align with ALL of this. Sounds a lot like my journey. Thanks so much for sharing Julie.
I Love this David. I think there’s something developmental about goals. At certain stages of development goals are useful, meaningful, and healthy way for us to assert ourselves in the worlds AND they’re often underpinned and driven by wounds (though not always).
At a certain point we develop the capacity to see context and systems which rattles our sense of self and purpose and what’s meaningful (often associated with experiences like “The Abyss”). In this newer stage of development goals are sometimes experienced as an “irrelevant” construct that’s not useful AND/or is prone to activating wounds.
The question is can we “transcend and include” the useful benefits of goals. Letting go of them where their harmful, but employing them when they can be helpful.
Your framework of questions is exactly that! Thanks for sharing Those, they’re are super useful!
Also, I love Joe Hudson. He’s great.
Also sorry I left you such a long winded comment… haha. 😆 you just got me jazzed.
You articulated this so well Noah! Clearly something you've sat with. That's exactly the journey I'm going through.
A few people asked about how to reform goals as intentions, so my next post is going to run through a few goals I've considered with these questions in mind. I'm noticing exactly what your'e describing, that goals can be beneficial when not attached to ego.
I gave up goal setting over a decade ago, it never worked for me as a motivating force. Goals were created by type A ambitious people, who always need something to work towards. But not everyone lives like that nor is motivated by it. Some people simply enjoy the journey and not the achievement.
I love it!
Curious, do you still get the urge to set goals? How do you process that urge?
Do you have any other processes like setting intentions or anything like that? Or you're just fully going with the flow?
Hey David, no I never get the urge to set goals, and I don't really set "intentions" either, as those feels like just a nicer way to say "goals". I do define what I want my life to be about, and just work towards making those things part of my life, and eliminating things I do not want to be part of my life.
Beautiful, this is the exact experience I'm going through right now. Thank you for putting in words.
Happy to hear this resonated with your experience Mars!
…must be something in the water…i went goaless intentionless for 2024 and feel more contentful for it…directions are important but getting there is more fun…
love to hear it! sounds like there are lot of us trying this out
Love this insight and where your latest writing on decelaration is going David.
Your idea of life without goals reminded me of a similar idea shared by Jason Zook and Paul Jarvis I had written and forgotten about about defining one's Minimum Monthly Number, but as important, defining one's Maximum Enough to avoid chasing more and more.
In case you want to check it out here's the summary: https://www.boldandopen.com/blog/if-we-dont-pursue-growth-and-profit-then-what
wow, I really love the idea of setting upper bounds
the concept of "enoughness" seems to be showing up everywhere in my life
Beautiful, David. I love the roots and depths of walking us through this. Thank you. I’m also exploring what enough is. Resonated so much.
Thanks Sara! Happy to hear this resonated with your exploration of enoughness. Let me know what you learn!
Awesome piece David. Loved reading this and I can relate to a lot of what you said. You speak about replacing goals with intentions. If you haven't already a written on the subject in particular, I would love to understand more about how you approach to the act of intention setting, what you believe them be, and what they should signify. Keep up the great work and thank you!
That’s a great question.
I haven’t thought a great deal about the answer.
Some thoughts in this moment:
When I go through the questions I shared, I may realize that the goal I had in mind was actually about a way I want to be. It’s not publishing a book that’s important. It’s the way I think accomplishing that goal will make me feel. I think it will make me happy.
So if I can arrive at the feeling I want to have by hitting a goal, I can ask myself how I might be able to connect to that feeling now, in this moment. And that becomes an intention.
Most of what I’ve found is that my goals are all trying to help me reach a state where I’ll be happy, connected, and feel like I’m enough.
I’ve learned that all of those things can be achieved in this moment by coming into presence.
So I suppose my main intention is to be present. Present with the work I’m doing. Present with the person I’m with. Present with myself.
I think if I just keep coming back to an intention of presence, everything else works itself out whether or not I’ve set a goal around it.
Curious to hear how that lands for you.
Thanks again for this question Chris! You inspired my next post: https://open.substack.com/pub/davidspinks/p/does-this-need-to-be-a-goal?r=odmk&utm_medium=ios
Is always a pleasure reading you, thank you ✨
amen! growth without goals: https://morehumanpossible.com/p/40-chainsmoking-good-days
As some who used to set new goals every 6 weeks. This really speaks to me, I haven’t set goals in the past 3 years and feel much better about myself and who I am. This perfectly articulates my thoughts on goals. Nice work!
Three years! That's awesome.
Goals vs intentions. Doing from a place of doing vs doing from a place of being. Alignment, distance and surrender. Very inspiring.
So beautifully articulated David thank you. I don't set goals either. Habits and systems, intentions, values, space for things to emerge - yes, but not goals. As a (business) coach, folks can find that a bit strange. Entire coaching modalities are based on goal setting. But they've never worked for me, nor many of my clients. I think once we really get tuned into ourselves, and let go of the illusion of control, goals feel less relevant and intuition can take a more of a leading role in setting the direction.
the link you make between identify and goals is also critical here. If we're not clear on identity and who we are / want to be, well meaning goals can pull us in the wrong direction. And make us feel like sh*t when we (predictably) don't achieve them. Same can be said for habits and intentions of course, which is why aligning a sense of identity is essential (and sometimes really hard) work.