Stressed, anxious and afraid…PTSD ADHD’er I certainly feel called out! I’ve been working hard to stop bringing trauma response energy to my work, envisioning myself not working to survive but doing what is mine to do while I’m on this plane of existence. Aligning to the spiritual thinking that ‘I am always enough’ and ‘I always have enough’. Being tied to outcomes feels like my job (as a commercial artist, graphic designer;) I really appreciate the process you provide in this article. “Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.”-Lao Tzu
Man this is beautiful. I’m a therapist and daily am using IFS with clients so it’s always refreshing to see someone using “parts” language as it relates to work. I love that angle because my parts go wild when it comes to my work—mostly based out of fears and old wounds.
Also I play basketball still and those 4vs5 games are no joke lol! I love your reframe about that.
As a mindfulness meditation teacher and recovering perfectionist I feel so seen by this. The art of learning to let go of the outcome is a long process, but worth it to work on. This has been a personal challenge for me as well. Thank you for sharing this—such a refreshing perspective!
I could relate to every single word. I have always been attached to the outcome of the activity/work I do, which makes me anxious and stressed. Self reflection and my current sabbatical time has been really helpful in identifying such patterns. I do follow the process you've mentioned and it definitely help. Noticing and questioning yourself where these anxious thoughts are stemming from have been life changing for me. :)
After being in my own ‘abyss’ for five years, I’m returning back into society starting to work again… And in almost EVERYthing I do workrelated I notice these patterns of not enoughness coming through… Seeing it so clearly now! Wondering how I,ve managed to keep this up for such a long period of time in my life before the abyss… It’s actually quite impressive!
Now I see it happening right before my eyes and feel what it does to my body I so desperately want to change it I get into a fight with that part of myself over it, which is then also a good old pattern of mine 😂 So I recognize every part of your writings about this topic and I really really want to thank you for sharing it with us! May we be soft to ourselves time and time again. I’ll try and use your steps!!! 🙏🏻
Love your process. Continually learning how to release attachment, specifically in dating. Will practice curiosity of my not enoughness in those moments.
Thank you David. Here was the nub for me..."when I’m calm and present, I notice that it’s because I’m not attached to an outcome. I’m surrendered to whatever wants to unfold". I appreciate the way you bring this insight into practical and reachable steps. Beautifully done.
Sometimes I say "oh there you are, not-enoughness," or "there you are, anxiety" and that one simple act for me helps me grounded. I really love this brilliant take on not feeling enough, and a great reminder that pausing is really the best medicine.
I'm also going to practice this at my son's basketball games, when I feel my competitive ego trying to rear its ugly head...haha! I need to be less attached to the outcome, for sure! It's his journey right?!
Haha! Your mom and I must be kindred mama bear spirits!!! Yes!! Keep one eye open for that competitive sports ego…it has been a very good challenge for me at examining it and what it means—and it’s always lack or insecurity or fear. But, I will say there is an additional layer of complicated “stuff” when it’s on your Child’s behalf and not your own. It’s that need to protect them when things seem unfair or unjust. It’s a tough one but I am getting to a really good space with it now 5 years in—learning to let go and trust in the process and his hard work! (I am sure you weren’t looking or asking for such a long winded reply to your comment, but I felt compelled to share my experience with you, for your future self if you end up being faced with navigating youth sports lol!)
Love this, David! I am going to read the basketball part of this essay to my son (who is a competitive AAU player currently)...! Love that you play--good for you! This reminded me of one of my favorite quotes: "Expectation is the root of all heartache"--William Shakespeare I am betting you've heard that one before, but thought it was worth sharing here as it is so fitting to your topic today.
I feel like you are in my head. This seems to be the battle that shuts me down and you have identified it perfectly. Thanks for the exercise to try! Blessings to you and your team.
This is so spot on and came just at the right time :-) I literally was just googling for podcasts around the topic of detaching yourself from the outcome (and thought Google was listening to even point me to this recommendation hah-- but alas, saw you just published it at the time I was looking) Im about to share/unveil a saas project Ive been working on, and couldnt get around the fear of falling short. Heh, I thought Ive done enough internal work to breeze through it, but the human mind is fickle and funny like that. I love how you called out where this feeling comes from -- a very visceral feeling of lack, of not being enough. And I love how you remind me that low expectations and surrendering to what needs to unfold before me is the key to getting through it. Thank you!!
You might like the gap and the gain book, sounds like business self helpy but it's actually really good and similar to this feeling of focusing on that gap between the ideal and reality.
Stressed, anxious and afraid…PTSD ADHD’er I certainly feel called out! I’ve been working hard to stop bringing trauma response energy to my work, envisioning myself not working to survive but doing what is mine to do while I’m on this plane of existence. Aligning to the spiritual thinking that ‘I am always enough’ and ‘I always have enough’. Being tied to outcomes feels like my job (as a commercial artist, graphic designer;) I really appreciate the process you provide in this article. “Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.”-Lao Tzu
Man this is beautiful. I’m a therapist and daily am using IFS with clients so it’s always refreshing to see someone using “parts” language as it relates to work. I love that angle because my parts go wild when it comes to my work—mostly based out of fears and old wounds.
Also I play basketball still and those 4vs5 games are no joke lol! I love your reframe about that.
Parts work has been nothing short of life changing for me. I get a lot of joy of bringing it in with coaching clients as well.
As a mindfulness meditation teacher and recovering perfectionist I feel so seen by this. The art of learning to let go of the outcome is a long process, but worth it to work on. This has been a personal challenge for me as well. Thank you for sharing this—such a refreshing perspective!
I could relate to every single word. I have always been attached to the outcome of the activity/work I do, which makes me anxious and stressed. Self reflection and my current sabbatical time has been really helpful in identifying such patterns. I do follow the process you've mentioned and it definitely help. Noticing and questioning yourself where these anxious thoughts are stemming from have been life changing for me. :)
Keep writing!
So happy to hear this process works for you too!
Hi David,
After being in my own ‘abyss’ for five years, I’m returning back into society starting to work again… And in almost EVERYthing I do workrelated I notice these patterns of not enoughness coming through… Seeing it so clearly now! Wondering how I,ve managed to keep this up for such a long period of time in my life before the abyss… It’s actually quite impressive!
Now I see it happening right before my eyes and feel what it does to my body I so desperately want to change it I get into a fight with that part of myself over it, which is then also a good old pattern of mine 😂 So I recognize every part of your writings about this topic and I really really want to thank you for sharing it with us! May we be soft to ourselves time and time again. I’ll try and use your steps!!! 🙏🏻
<3 thanks so much for these reflections Merel. Sounds like we've got some similar patterns (=
Love your process. Continually learning how to release attachment, specifically in dating. Will practice curiosity of my not enoughness in those moments.
Thank you David. Here was the nub for me..."when I’m calm and present, I notice that it’s because I’m not attached to an outcome. I’m surrendered to whatever wants to unfold". I appreciate the way you bring this insight into practical and reachable steps. Beautifully done.
Thank you for that reflection Ian!
“Attached to an outcome” totally sticks out to me! This may be what is silently killing my focus
It's underneath the surface for many of us!
Sometimes I say "oh there you are, not-enoughness," or "there you are, anxiety" and that one simple act for me helps me grounded. I really love this brilliant take on not feeling enough, and a great reminder that pausing is really the best medicine.
Love it. Yea after practicing this for a while, just noticing the not enoughness is there can sometimes unravel it
I'm also going to practice this at my son's basketball games, when I feel my competitive ego trying to rear its ugly head...haha! I need to be less attached to the outcome, for sure! It's his journey right?!
I know this is going to come out when my kids start playing sports. Gotta keep an eye on it. My mom was always FIERCE at my games.
Haha! Your mom and I must be kindred mama bear spirits!!! Yes!! Keep one eye open for that competitive sports ego…it has been a very good challenge for me at examining it and what it means—and it’s always lack or insecurity or fear. But, I will say there is an additional layer of complicated “stuff” when it’s on your Child’s behalf and not your own. It’s that need to protect them when things seem unfair or unjust. It’s a tough one but I am getting to a really good space with it now 5 years in—learning to let go and trust in the process and his hard work! (I am sure you weren’t looking or asking for such a long winded reply to your comment, but I felt compelled to share my experience with you, for your future self if you end up being faced with navigating youth sports lol!)
Love this, David! I am going to read the basketball part of this essay to my son (who is a competitive AAU player currently)...! Love that you play--good for you! This reminded me of one of my favorite quotes: "Expectation is the root of all heartache"--William Shakespeare I am betting you've heard that one before, but thought it was worth sharing here as it is so fitting to your topic today.
Love it! Curious to hear if it lands with the young'ins
It was well received—like any good wisdom is, when it especially doesn’t come from the mouth of your parents haha! Thanks, David—!!
Good old attachment, it's a brutal mistress.
Here's to giving zero fucks and enjoying life! 🍻
I feel like you are in my head. This seems to be the battle that shuts me down and you have identified it perfectly. Thanks for the exercise to try! Blessings to you and your team.
Hope it helps Ria
This is so spot on and came just at the right time :-) I literally was just googling for podcasts around the topic of detaching yourself from the outcome (and thought Google was listening to even point me to this recommendation hah-- but alas, saw you just published it at the time I was looking) Im about to share/unveil a saas project Ive been working on, and couldnt get around the fear of falling short. Heh, I thought Ive done enough internal work to breeze through it, but the human mind is fickle and funny like that. I love how you called out where this feeling comes from -- a very visceral feeling of lack, of not being enough. And I love how you remind me that low expectations and surrendering to what needs to unfold before me is the key to getting through it. Thank you!!
I'm actually tracking your google and writing up answers based on what you search for ;)
Good luck with your project! May it unfold as it's meant to (=
Love it! Looking forward 🤗
You might like the gap and the gain book, sounds like business self helpy but it's actually really good and similar to this feeling of focusing on that gap between the ideal and reality.