I recently discovered the wizard behind the curtain, pulling the strings of my life.
It’s been the belief that “I am not enough”.
The story goes, “If I _________, then I’ll be enough.”
If I get that person to stop being mad…
If I win this round of backgammon…
If I had more friends in town…
If I make the right decision about what to eat for breakfast…
If I’m seen as a “good guy”…
If I had enough money to buy that house…
If I judge that person…
If I judge myself…
If I could just stop having these damn thoughts…
Everywhere I look, the lack of enoughness has been there, driving me.
After doing a lot of work on myself, I’ve finally reached moments where I’ve felt like I am enough, just as I am.
Often it’s when I’m in nature, deep in meditation, through breathwork, or after a particularly revealing therapy or coaching session.
Sometimes, I can close my eyes and tune into enoughness when it feels needed. It’s a guiding energy that helps me know when I’m tapping into clean fuel.
When I do, the stories fade away. They no longer need to protect me.
But it’s overwhelming. I’m not used to feeling like I’m enough. I’ve been crying during most of my meditation sessions because my mind and body scream at me to do something.
Think, fix, solve, move… BECOME enough.
But enoughness doesn’t require doing. It’s already there. It just needs space to emerge.
So I stay still. The energy explodes in my chest and comes out as tears.
It’s a good cry. It’s a true cry. It feels like life.
Prompts
Reflect on these questions in private, or you’re welcome to share in the comments:
What has your experience been with enoughness?
Do you feel like you’re enough?
Do you ever cry when sitting in stillness? What do you think it means?
What stories are you telling yourself about what it takes to be enough?
How would it feel to believe you’re already enough?
This is a short post, or what I call a “Seed”. Seeds are simple ideas and reflections that may grow into something bigger. I publish seeds fairly frequently, as often as they sprout.
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Would that we all could just touch the sort of enoughness you describe… Powerful.
I can definitely relate to “enoughness”. I am reading a book called, Worthy. I have achieved quite a number of achievements always fighting that voice, you will never amount to anything.
Me fighting back: I’ll show you. N I did over n over… but it’s never been enough…
My husband is always saying to me; I wish you could feel what I see in you.
I came across a reel that was talking about self-confidence vs self- worhiness WOW what a wake-up call for me.
Self-confidence is outside of us n self-worth is inside of us. We need a healthy dose of both.
So I am working on my worthiness. 💗