19 Comments

This is great advice.

Another version I've used when I'm charged (but not done as intentionally as you suggest) is something like "I'm feeling <angry/frustrated/etc.>, so this won't come out right."

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Yes! Love that. Naming the emotional experience I'm having as context for what's about to come out of my mouth. So powerful.

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The idea of "everyone is just doing something" has helped me a lot to get rid of that overthinking. The moment I try to be perfect I start to feel fake; like I create a wall between me and the other. I'm the most impressed by people who are the most authentic. Being around them feels like being fully alive.

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Curious to get more clarity on this. Can you say more about that idea? What does it mean that "everyone is just doing something?"

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Of course! I meant that it often feels like everyone else thinks very well about what they say or do, but no one truly is. Since I stopped taking others and myself so seriously, it has become a lot more fun to live. Instead of struggling forward it feels like more a cool adventure.

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This is why , “Talking to myself,” has been happening more and more frequently. Nice insight. And telling the truth cannot be overlooked or seen as a less successful strategy. Some business schools and administrative training teach that dishonesty, when applied strategically, is a recipe for success.

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Oct 30·edited Oct 30Author

Love the idea that dishonesty holds a lot of value when held with intention.

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I feel like this sums up perfectly the story of my life. Substack has become the place I am practicing imperfectly, and being in the struggle.

(Looks like Midjourney is not quite sure where mouths go).

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Love it. Yes, substack is a place I've been practicing that too. I have a tendancy to try to perfect my writing. I'm practicing just putting it out there without having to get it perfectly right.

Midjourney is imperfect too (=

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This is such a good idea, thank you!! 🙏

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You're welcome!

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As someone that find herself saying "I don't have the words yet" this was really helpful. Thank you David.

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So happy to hear it helps!

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I just shared this with my partner as I knew it would resonate with him. He often chooses silence so as not to get something wrong or hurt me. Great idea- permission to not say or be perfect and explore our emerging thoughts… both sides

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Let me know how it lands!

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This is really important for someone like me. Since I’ve learned I’m an autistic, I’ve felt more able to ask those close to me to help me find the right words for what I am trying to convey to them. I hadn’t put that actual action into words. Now it is a tool in the toolkit. Thank you.

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So happy to hear this helps!

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Oct 26Liked by David Spinks

I find the same in myself...knowing there is something to say, only to walk away from seeing someone having kept silent and wishing I'd say something. Or doing it by text or email, having control over drafting and rewriting what to say; but always feeling like I've lost something in not having the container of true conversation.

I love this invitation to say it before I'm ready. To practice courage - courage to be imperfect, to be vulnerable, to let go of controlling the situation; courage to know that I can handle a negative response and courage for if it's what I want.

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Yes! I do that a lot too, default to text to avoid saying something the wrong way.

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